The
first thing you need is the costume. But before you think of that
ninja costume you wore during your 3rd
grade Halloween...think again. That costume is really corny and
doesn't help at all with blending in. If a ninja is on a mission in a
giant office building, the ninja will not dress in that ridiculous
outfit. A true ninja blends in with everyone else, wearing what
everyone else in the target location is wearing. A ninja in the city
dresses as a city dweller. A ninja in the country dresses as a rural
dweller. And a ninja in the arctic dresses as a polar bear. You must
look at everyone around you then look like them. It's simple, yet
challenging. Plenty of people reading this dress like buffoons when
they're not on ninja-duty, so picking a ninja-outfit will be
challenging for them. I, of course, dress like a ninja and still
maintain a sharp sense of fashion!
This
brings me to the next thing – equipment. You've done away with the
costume, now do away with all those knives, swords, hooks and
glitter– they're useless! You need to put the objects around you to
work. First of all, carrying all the classic ninja items will
probably get you arrested in some parts – especially in the foul
state of New Jersey. Everything around you can be used in the ninja
way if you've got the right mentality. You're probably reading this
on a desktop computer, a laptop, a cellphone or some device that
needs to be thrown in the dumpster – any of those things can be
used as lethal tools! I'm not going to say how because that might be
illegal, but if you think like a psychopath, I mean ninja, you'll
figure it out! The same applies to non-weapons you'll need in your
trade. You can't go around scaling buildings, digging tunnels and
bribing people(unless you're bribing government officials) to get to
your target –you need to think outside of the box. Once again,
illegal for me to discuss...DAMN YOU, LAW!
Having
the right outfit and right equipment means nothing if you don't have
the skills to do it. Most people aren't sure what ninjas do, so I'll
be alphabetical about this: assassination, espionage,
rebellion,sabotage and subterfuge...normal things. You need to be
skilled in these art forms to be a real ninja. There are a few
different ways to gain these skills and I'll start with the obvious –
join a law enforcement, national security or military organization of
your choice! They won't actually teach you these skills, but they'll
teach you ways to accomplish those skills. Of course, you'll need to
make your way in the highest branches to learn it all. I don't think
an intern for the CIA knows how to train a rebel group to take over
capital city and violently remove the leader. The other way is by
joining a criminal gang, but this illegal and probably not as
informative. You can also join your local militia, which is a legal
gray area aka illegal. Or, you can be completely delusional and teach
yourself. The choice is yours!
After
reading this you now realize there are ninjas all around you doing
bunch of ninja things.