I
love nothing more than stealing things from the Internet, and you'll
be in awe as I steal these undeniable facts about ninjas,
I mean orcas! Orcas are mammals. Orcas fight all the time. The
purpose of the orca is to flip out and kill every creature on the
planet. Who cares about lions, bears or ostriches when you've got the
killer whale –it's even got “killer” in its name! You know
nothing about these animals before reading this, but after reading
this you'll bean Orcalogist.
Orca
sare one of the smartest creatures on the planet, and they're
probably even smarter than humans. We've got no idea what goes on
under the sea, so they're probably building something advanced. Up
here we think we're awesome with 4G, but I'm sure orcas are using 0G
and are laughing at us the way whales laugh. They teach each other
how to hunt their prey like we teach other how to breathe. Orcas find
a lonely seal lion and will toy with it until their young know how to
hunt sea lions. The best part is when it's all done, the orcas leave
the little sea lion alone. They don't eat it – they traumatize it
for the rest of its life! I can only imagine what orcas will do to
land lions...probably throw them into outer-space.
Killer
whales are also quite friendly with humans, and no one knows why.
Oddly enough, orcas in the wild like us more than orcas in
captivity,but I'm sure those animal trainers need to be eaten alive
on general principle. If you're dumb enough to jump into a pod of
orcas, they won't eat you, they'll be nice to you instead. No one is
sure why this is, but I think I've finally figured it all out. It's a
massive manipulation on the part of the killer whale population to
make us humans think they're relatively innocent creatures. I've got
a completely uneducated, non-scientific hypothesis that states why
they act like this – they don't want us to discover their plans!
I'm sure orcas are building a massive fleet of spaceships and explore
the galaxy when we don't pay attention. Those aren't UFOs and aliens
in the sky – those are killer whales!
Orcas
are also absolutely vicious, and combined with their intelligence
they're going to be ruling the entire planet very soon. Us humans are
only preparing things for their eventual domination, and that's when
we can either join them or become their prey. Consider the fact that
killer whales know how to kill great white sharks – once the most
feared predator of the sea! No one is sure how this happened...except
for me. One day the orcas gathered together and decided these damn
dirty sharks needed to stop with their nonsense. They observed the
sharks and found a weakness, the shark is completely vulnerable when
it stops moving, and that's when they attack. The killer whale picks
the shark up and flips it upside down– making it absolutely
useless. The amazing killer whales now feast upon the sharks like the
mainstream media feasts on our souls!
Guns
don't kill people, killer whales do.