The Key to Happiness is to Never Be Happy

There's a song that goes: don't worry, be happy – it's a decent song, but Think it's message is a farce. You should always worry because you're not going to achieve true happiness. While things might seem to be going your way, they can always be better...how do you feel now?

You know what's a terrible thought to have, knowing your life will never be the perfect image you've been dreaming about since childhood. It's okay to cry (no it's not), but you can fix this major problem by following my advice. C'mon, let me help you help yourself.

  • Always complain about things beyond your control, the weather for example.
  • Come up with a near-impossible scheme and get upset if it doesn't go perfectly.
  • Get angry at people who don't blindly sacrifice their lives to improve yours.
  • Waste your money on consumer goods, and wonder why everything is so expensive.
  • Participate in the political process while telling everyone else it doesn't work.

Now you're probably wondering, how does doing any of this make bring happiness...it doesn't. You're never truly happy unless you're in a delusional state or you're a child (to all the children who read my entries,where are your parents?). What can you do instead?

  • Ignore all the bad things around you – if you close your eyes it's not really there.
  • Let entertainment completely consume you – fiction is more fun to live in.
  • Cut off people facing problems – you don't need them in your life.
  • Eat more than you normally do – of course you expected a mention of food.
  • When all is said and done, pretend it's a dream – this is the best solution.

The sad reality (happy fantasy) is you can't reach eternal happiness unless you've lived in a vacuum your entire life and were never exposed to any kind of joylessness. People think living in a bubble is a bad thing, but only because their own bubble has burst.

Can't you smell the happiness in the air after reading this...no, that's the smell of pollution!