If
I wander into the woods unarmed while wearing a blood red cape and
carrying a basket of food – no one will get mad at the wolf for
eating me. So how come when a dumb, little girl does it we're
shocked? Oh, it's because she wanted to give her grandmother food
–why is her grandmother in the middle of the woods, away from
civilization? And the hunter who saves them is actually a poacher
– wolves are endangered and aren't known to taste delicious.
The
first thing wrong with this fairy tale is it rewards absolute
stupidity. A modern version of the tale starts with a rich kid
walking into bad neighborhood and getting kidnapped. The parents
don't want to pay the ransom or call the police, so they hire a
vigilante instead. This vigilante walks into the neighborhood and
murders everyone. He saves the kid and his deeds are all over the
news, but he doesn't serve any time even though he killed a lot of
people in cold blood. This actually sounds like a cool story for a
video game or popcorn flick, but as a children's story it is
TERRIBLE! In the intelligent version of Little
Red Riding Hood a team
of hunters are hired to go into the woods and drag the grandmother
back to a safe environment – calling the story Stubborn
Old Lady Is Taught a Lesson.
The
other thing I don't get is why does the wolf bother to dress up like
the grandmother to eat Little Red? Before I answer that question Will
note she'll be called Little Red for the rest of her life because
Wrigley's
will
sue her if she ever calls herself Big
Red.
Okay, back to a non-lawsuit world...since when did wolves become
insane serial killers? First of all, if you're a wolf it should be
easy for you to hunt and kill a child wearing a red outfit in the
middle of the day. If you can't do this you should turn in your wolf
card and jump into a volcano. Does the wolf think he's being clever
by going through with such a ridiculous plan? Note to wolves of the
future – you're wolves, not movie villains, you can claw and bite
to kill your prey. In all honesty, if I see a wolf dressing up like
an old lady I'm going to die of laughter, which makes me taste
better.
Finally,
there's the issue of the poacher, I mean hunter, wandering around in
the woods. I don't get why this moron is hunting wolves In the woods
in the first place – that's the worst place to do it. It's their
natural territory and they're more prepared to kill you than you are
to kill them. The hunter should be hunting wolves In the zoo where
there are more wolves and they're a lot easier to kill. I also have
issue with this hunter acting like the police officer of the woods –
THAT'S NOT YOUR JOB! You don't need anyone else policing the woods
when there are already bears on patrol. The bears probably saw Little
Red and thought no one could be that stupid.
Fairy
tales teach us children are dumb, but adults are dumber.